Wednesday, 16 May 2012

You're the one living by your decisions

"Don't base your relationship decisions off of the advice of people who don't have to live with the results."

Saw this on twitter today and thought that it was really really meaningful. A lot of times, we go to other people to seek for advice when we're in trouble, when we're unsure of what we want, when we don't know what is the best decision that will crush all those regrets that may arise later on.

Of course, listening to an outsider's point of view, or the perspectives of a more experienced person may spell things out more clearly for us, let us have a better grasp of the situation, and this will be helpful in clearing our minds.

But who is to say that these advice will indeed be the best. The advice dished out will be in their perspectives, not yours. It will be based on their own moral values, not yours. It will be how they perceive will bring about the most optimum outcome, which is what THEY will want, not you. I once heard this phrase, of all the people that you share your problems with, 80% don't care, and the other 20% will be glad that you're having it. How can you be sure that their opinions are not biased?

No two person is similar, the things you want out of life will also be likely vastly different. In relationships, you may be looking for joy and excitement, the other person may be looking for security. In studies, you may want to pursue your interests, but the other person may be looking for areas that pay better in future. 

Ultimately, you will be the one living with your decisions, you will be the one who is going to be happy, or regret it big time. Either way, all that the others can share with you is their empathy, not sympathy. They can be there listening to your problems, offering you advice, but when they go home, they are not the ones bearing the consequences.

I was at this junction same time last year, that's why this phrase struck me so much. I was torn between living a safe, routine lifestyle that gave me a lot of security, or one that was new and unpredictable. I was having a lot of below-the-surface problems with the old life, I was unhappy, unsatisfied, and constantly thinking to myself "is this all". 

I wasn't willing to get out of my comfort zone, it was like a life buoy for me, and I was really afraid that if I switch buoys, I'll sink and then I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it. It didn't help that many of my friends were against it, and I don't even need one hand to count the supportive ones.

But in the end, I still went with what my heart told me, the process has not been smooth-sailing, but I can gladly say that I am happy now.

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