Random thoughts

I'm feeling really sentimental for no apparent reason.

I was browsing through tumblr during one of my long breaks (the kind where everything else is so much more interesting than your books) and I came across two friends' posts. Somehow one thing followed after another and I ended up going through quite a bit of their archives.

And one thing that really struck me was how powerful words are, and how we're so oblivious to others' feelings and sufferings. They were both struggling with different things, things that I wasn't aware of, probably because one of them I didn't talk to as much anymore, and another we didn't share much of our feelings. But it makes one realise how everybody is fighting their own battles, how people are struggling to keep afloat, to stay optimistic, and you never know because they cover it all up with a smile.

And it just kinda made me reflect about my own life. There are times when I just don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, where I'm going, what do I want. And it scares me how helpless you are with all the different phases of life you go through. you can't slow down time, you can't keep things constant, the only thing you can do is accept it and move on.

It really troubles me sometimes when I think about how far I've drifted from my friends. The people I'm closest to at whatever stage is life tend to be people that I see the most often. It's not what I want, it's not how I envisioned things to be, but sometimes you just can't help it. Or can you? I really don't know anymore.

I often think back about how bitchy and fearless I was in secondary school. Yes, that was the time where you always feel compelled to give in to peer pressure, to do things that are cool and be accepted, but it was also back then that I was the most confident, the most comfortable in my own skin. I believed in my capabilities, I had dreams, but now, I find myself constantly in doubt, I doubt myself, my decisions, my capabilities, my life. Sometimes I just wish I can regain all that positivity.